Numb
by RosalindJones
Summary: I would always remember the pain I felt that day when my child melted into nothing in my arms. I never felt so helpless. Amy's thoughts after flesh Melody melts. Major spoilers for a Good Man Goes To War.


Hello!

This chapter is set just after Melody's flesh avatar has melted. It's quite angsty and sad, but gets less sad nearer the end. It's a sort of prequel to the story.

Hope you enjoy :)

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><p>I felt numb. The sounds of guns and clashing blades and battle cries were muted and everything seemed to stop and go silent. My hands held onto the white blanket tightly, the blanket that no longer contained my baby. I looked down at the pile of flesh on the floor - the white remains that was once a beautiful child. <em>My<em> beautiful child. Right then, my world seemed to stop. All I could think of or see was the puddle on the cold, hard floor. _No. No, this isn't happening. It couldn't!_

I felt lost and defeated. I didn't understand. She _was_ real. She _was_ my Melody. I began to shake violently with sobs. My whole body felt like it would collapse at any moment, because this much pain surely would be enough to kill a person. My heart felt like it was going to explode and I could not move. I was paralysed. Staring at the remains of Melody. My body would not move. I couldn't even force myself to blink.

I didn't know what to do. It hurt so much and I was so scared. Scared for my baby. So I called for him. The only person I wanted to see right now. The only person who would understand.

"Rory…" I said weakly, hoping he would hear me.

Nothing happened. Where was he? I _needed_ him! I found some strength inside of me, but it brought a new pain to the surface.

"Rory!" I screamed.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and my body was still shaking. As I became once more aware of my surroundings, I realised the battle was over. There were no screams or weapons being fired. The battle had either been won or lost. But it didn't matter now. It didn't matter because Melody was lost. People had died for nothing.

I heard the swift approach of feet. I was still clutching the blanket, staring at the white mess and crying, silently now. The sound of footsteps stopped and I glanced at the feet. It was Rory. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see the hurt in his eyes. He had just lost a daughter he had searched and fought for, only to have her taken away from him mere hours after he first laid his eyes on her.

He let out a ragged breath and then a partial sob. I found the courage to look up at his tear stained face, my own tears clouding my vision. I hastily wiped them away, only for them to be replaced by new ones.

"No." he whispered.

He was shaking his head, his face crumpled. I opened my mouth to say something to him, but all that came out was shaking wail. He didn't have the answer. He didn't know how to get her back either.

His arms were around me in an instant. I pressed my head into his armour and cried. I felt his tears fall into my matted hair as we both wept for our lost child.

"Amy!" I heard a voice call. It was very far away. But I was too detached from the world to care someone was calling my name. Whoever it was, they were nothing to me at this point.

Rory pulled back and stared into my eyes.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

Once again, I couldn't find the will to speak, but Rory understood. He nodded his head and pulled me to my feet. My sobs had stopped, but tears still ran down my cheeks.

"Come on." He said gently.

He steered me into the open space that was now littered with dead bodies. Sparks came from pieces of machinery and there were small fires burning all over the place. I saw several aliens or people, or whatever you want to call them, slumped up against random walls and ladders, panting for breath, having obviously gained fatal injuries in an attempt to save my daughter.

As we walked through the wreckage, the survivor's eyes focused on me and my empty arms. The young woman who was with the Silurian approached us, a confused, but wary expression on her face.

"Where's the little…?"

She stopped speaking when Rory shook his head.

"Oh." The young woman put her hand on my arm, probably in an attempt to comfort me, or convey her apologies, but I couldn't feel her touch. I couldn't feel anything but pain. I was steered to a crate and sat down mechanically, staring at the floor. I just couldn't meet anybodies eyes.

"Amy, I have to go and help. People have been hurt." Rory pressed his forehead against mine. "I love you."

He began to pull away, but I grabbed onto his arm. I stared up into his eyes. He had regained his composure, but his eyes gave him away. They were so full of sadness and mourning.

"R-Rory." I mumbled. My voice was hoarse and cracked.

"Amy, they helped us. I can't just leave them. I'm a nurse, I can help."

He stared into my eyes and I knew he was right. I couldn't cling onto him forever. And they _did_ help us. Something which I was _so_ grateful for. I nodded slightly and he gave a weak smile.

"Jenny could you just…"

The girl – Jenny – nodded and sat down next to me. Rory looked into my eyes one last time before walking off.

"Amy! She's not real! Melody, she's a flesh avatar!" The voice was closer now. There was something about it that made a little bubble of anger emerge inside me.

The Doctor. Where had he been? He could have prevented all of this. He could have saved her! Stabilised her into a real human in the TARDIS like he did the gangers a month previously. He should have known she wasn't real! But even then, they could have done nothing. The _rea_l Melody, _my_ Melody was already light-years away.

An image flashed into my head. The photograph of myself with a baby in the little girl's room in the old orphanage in America. My breath hitched. _I shot my daughter_. She was being used by the silence. _Oh God_. It was too late. She would become that child now. I would never see my baby again. I failed her.

My arms hung limply at my sides and my back slumped. I stared at the floor blankly whilst I heard someone rush into the room.

"Amy…" It was a defeated whisper.

I heard footsteps approaching me this time and I knew it was him. I raised my head slowly and stared at him, letting him know I was hurt, before looking back down. He had come to rescue us. And he had failed. He never fails other people. Only me. Only the things that matter. First he couldn't save Rory in the dream world, now he hadn't saved my baby.

Rory had said they wanted her. And now they her. So it was a trap all along. If we had been killed, they would have won. But even though we survived, they still won.

"So they took her anyway…_All_ this was for nothing."

I thought about the injured people and the dead monks. They died in vain.

"I am…_so_ sorry." He said.

He seemed to mean it, but I couldn't help but feel anger towards him still. _Sorry_ wouldn't bring her back. I stood up, my legs shaking slightly. I breathed heavily, trying to contain by sobs and hold back the tears that were once more, threatening to fall.

The Doctor stepped forwards and I stepped back from him quickly. Wherever he went he brough destruction. And this time…this time, it was too much.

"Amy, it isn't his fault." Jenny said softly, her London accent strong.

I stared at the Doctor. Aware that Rory was now watching the scene. The Doctor's face was that of a broken man. Stepping away from him had hurt him. I didn't want to hurt him. He would already be punishing himself for what happened today, and Jenny was right. The Doctor didn't bring destruction. Destruction found him. It wasn't his fault.

"I know…I know." I said, my voice growing thicker.

My bottom lips started to tremor and I turned away. I couldn't bear to let him see me in pieces. He would only feel worse about himself. I walked off quickly, only to be followed and quickly wrapped in the arms of my husband. We once again held each other close as our thoughts centred on our lost daughter.

It could have been minutes, hours or mere seconds before the room was disturbed with what sounded like a crack of lightning. A bright light filled the room and an all too familiar voice filled the room.

"Well then soldier, how goes the day?"

I felt Rory tense and let out a ragged breath.

The light faded to reveal River Song at the centre of the room. All eyes turned to her. It was silent as the Doctor face darkened and he advanced on the woman.

"Where the hell have you been? Every time you've asked, I have been there, where the _hell_ were you today?" The Doctor raged as he approached River.

She stood calmly, even smiling slightly. She had nerve.

"I couldn't have prevented this."

"You could have tried!" The Doctor fumed.

And he was right. She could have. And he always was there for her. Was she really that selfish?

"And so my love, could you." She replied, keeping her calm façade.

She looked at me and spoke as if she already knew the events that were to follow this day. Then I remembered, she was from the future, she _always_ knew.

"I know you're not alright. But hang tight Amy, because you're going to be."

I stared at her, trying to understand what she already knew. She knew something about Melody. I could tell. I felt an urge to shout at her and demand to know what she knew, but the Doctor got there first.

"You think I wanted this? I didn't do this! This…This wasn't me!" He shouted, disgusted.

"This was exactly you. All this. All of it!" She retorted. "You make them so afraid. When you began all those years ago, sailing off to see the universe, did you ever think you'd become this?

The man who can turn an army around at the mention of his name. Doctor. The word for _healer_ and _wise_ man throughout the universe. We get that word from you, you know. But if you carry on the way you are, what will that word come to mean?

To the people of the gamma forests, the word doctor means mighty warrior. How far you've come."

She had hit a nerve. I could see it in the Doctors face. They both knew this was something neither wanted to discuss, but had to.

"And now they've taken a child."

My heart moaned as the loss of my daughter was brought into topic.

"The child of your best friends. And they're going to turn her into a weapon, just to bring you down. And all this, my love, in fear of you."

The Doctor was furious. I doubt he had ever met anyone like River. She was impulsive, strong and brave. She was just like him. He had finally met his match. But she was rash and reckless. And one day, it was going to get her killed.

The Doctor marched up to her and looked her directly in the eye. Their faces were inches apart.

"Who are you?"

River remained silent, she faltered though. Her eyes. Her face. She was dreading this moment. I could tell.

"Ooh, look your cot! I haven't seen that in a _very_ long while!"

She skipped over to the cot that less than an hour ago held what I though was my baby girl.

They both spoke quietly. I couldn't make out what they were saying. The Doctor had his hand on his cot and River smiled at him.

"Can't you read?" I was able to hear River say.

My eyes flickered to the circles and swirls on the side of the cot. It made not sense. Nothing changed. But it obviously did for the Doctor. He stared at her, a new light in his eyes. They were both smiling. Who was she? I felt frustrated that nothing was getting resolved. Especially not the plan to rescue mine and Rory's daughter.

"Hello." The Doctor said shyly.

"Hello."

The Doctor laughed and the pair spoke some more. The Doctor turned around and looked at us and laughed again. He seemed happier. Like a weight was lifted from his shoulder. But it didn't feel like I had the weight lifted from mine. And I wouldn't until I had Melody back in my arms.

After quieter talking and smiling, the Doctor turned around said farewell to Vastra and Jenny, and then he spoke to us briefly.

"Rory and Amy, I know where to find your daughter and _on my life_, she will be safe."

She will be safe. He promised. The Doctor was going to rescue Melody. I always trusted the Doctor with my life, so why did I still have a pressing feeling on my heart. Did I really trust the Doctor with my _daughter's_ life?

He began to run towards the TARDIS and Rory and I must have had similar thoughts because we both called out after him.

"Doctor!" Rory warned.

But he didn't stop.

"No! Where are you going?" I shouted, rushing after him. "No."

But he slammed the door in my face and my hair was blown around as the TARDIS began to disappear. I was once again lost. Abandoned. And it was _her_ fault.

I turned to look at her accusingly. Knowing what I had to do and not liking it. But I it would help me rescue my daughter…

"Where is he going? What did you tell him?" I demanded of River.

She didn't move. She just told me I had to remain calm. I scoffed internally. How could I stay calm? I was stuck on an asteroid whilst my daughter had been kidnapped and I had no information or means to get her back. My patience was running thin with this woman. Never a straight answer.

I picked up a gun and cocked it and pointed it straight at her heart.

"Tell me what you told the Doctor."

I moved closer to her. This was not me, but I would kill a thousand times to get Melody back safe in my arms.

"Amy, No, stop it!" Rory protested angrily.

Did he not understand? She knew something about our daughter and she wouldn't tell us.

"It's ok Rory, it's fine, she's good."

Good. I'm glad we were on the same page.

"It's the TARDIS translation matrix. It takes a while to kick in with a written word. You have to concentrate."

By this time, the gun I was holding was inches from her chest. I looked down again at the circles and swirls on the side of the cot. Again, nothing. My hand had dropped slightly. I straightened it up again, showing I wasn't playing games.

"I still can't read it." I threatened.

Rory managed to take the gun off me whilst River explained. The language was Galifreyan and wouldn't translate,

"...but this will."

She placed the prayer leaf Lorna had made for me. It would bring Melody home she said. She lied. Just like everyone else.

"It's your daughters name in the language of the forest."

"I know my daughters name!" I shot back.

"Except they don't have a word for Pond. Because the only water in the forest is the river."

I shivered. I had heard that before. Something new was building inside of me. The only water in the forest is the river. _River_.

"The Doctor _wil_l find your daughter. And he will care for her whatever it takes. And _I_ know that."

My breath was ragged and I slowly looked down at the prayer leaf. It couldn't be true. It just couldn't.

But I could not deny the golden stitching on the material that transformed into another word. _River_.

I turned the leaf of and my thoughts were confirmed. _Song_.

"It's me," She said, her voice was uneven; "I'm Melody. I'm your daughter."

There was only one thought that ran though my head at that moment; impossible. I felt numb.

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><p>There will be more AmyXRory in the next chapter, just because I love them. And baby Melody will make an appearance soon.<p>

Anyway, reviews are appreciated. x

The sequel is now up. It's called 'Rewritten'


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